


It Takes Time To Mend

by ThePenguinOfDeath



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Falling In Love, Healing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5505674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePenguinOfDeath/pseuds/ThePenguinOfDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn wakes up from his coma, and Poe is there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Takes Time To Mend

Pain.

Finn’s entire conscious was enveloped in blackness. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t move. Old screams echoed in his ears, tortured sounds from the depths of memory. His mouth was tangy with the taste of blood. All he wanted was for it to stop, but it just. Kept. Going.

Was this what death felt like? Endless pain until your body finally gave out? He’d never thought much about death – he was a Stormtrooper, some of the most thorough conditioning went into removing self-preservation. But this – it had to be worse than anyone imagined.

Finn tried to surrender himself to the blackness, give up, allow himself to slip away. But no matter how he tried, he couldn’t stop the pain.

/

The first time Finn woke up, the scent of his own burnt flesh was so strong it knocked him into a panic attack.

He was barely aware of lying in the healing tube before he was back in the forest, Kylo Ren’s angry eyes boring into him, feeling his own desperation and pain as the lightsabre slashed up his back. The wind was cold and biting, and the sound of fighting in the distance was both dim and loud at the same time, ricocheting through his mind.

“Finn! Finn, it’s alright! You’re safe. Finn! Can you hear me?”

Finn’s eyes shot open, but the world was bright and it was several moments before he could focus on anything.

“Poe?” He tried to say, finally recognising the face above him through the glass, but his mouth was dry with lack of use and all that came out was a painful croak.

Poe turned, and Finn tried to track him but was distracted as a bolt of pain wracked through his body. Biting his lip to stop himself crying out, he missed what Poe said, vaguely noticing the appearance of a med droid.

“Painkillers.” The droid beeped, and a moment later Finn’s eyes slid blissfully shut.

/

The next time Finn awoke, he was lying in a normal hospital bed, wires and tubes running out of his body. He took a moment to breathe and centre himself, feeling for pain. To his surprise, there was none, but his back did feel strange. He attempted to move but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re still healing. You’re not allowed to move until the med droid’s satisfied with your progress. You had to have pretty major surgery.”

Poe again. Finn wanted to sit up and look at him, but settled for moving his eyes until he caught the edge of Poe’s face.

“You’re alive.” This time, at least, Finn’s voice worked, the crack at the end from emotion rather than anything else.

“All things considered, I think the fact that you’re alive is the bigger deal here, Finn. You’re the hero of the Resistance.”

“I tried to run away and then when I ended up fighting I took a lightsabre to the back.” Something suddenly clicked in Finn’s brain. “Rey? Is she alive? Where is she?”

“Rey’s alive. She’s gone to find Luke Skywalker. She’s a hero too.” There was clear admiration in Poe’s voice.

Relief coursed through Finn’s body. “So we won?”

“We won this battle. But Kylo Ren’s still alive, and we can be sure this isn’t the end. But for now, we can recuperate and decide what to do next.”

Finn was aware of Poe moving away.

“Don’t go!”

“I have a meeting with General Organa, and you need to rest. The more rest you get, the faster you’ll be up and about again. I’ll come and see you tomorrow.”

Finn lay there, feeling helpless, as Poe’s footsteps echoed out of the room.

/

Finn had been out of the coma for a week before he found out just how much had been done to save him.

“You needed complete replacement of most of your spine,” The medical officer explained, “and you had severe damage to some of your organs. There was also very extensive nerve damage. We salvaged as much as we could, but the only way to restore your body to full function was to add some cybernetics.”

“You made me a robot?”

The med droid beeped in irritation, clearly taking the outburst as an insult.

“You have cybernetic implants in your spinal cord, but you are still fully human. Luke Skywalker has a cybernetic hand and I’m sure you’re well aware of what he accomplished. Cybernetics do not make you any less human than you were before.”

Finn said nothing.

“The good news is you’re ready to start physical therapy. The implants will allow you to walk and run again, but you will have to relearn how to do so. This will take several months at the very least, so don’t expect miracles, but you’ll be able to move short distances with assistance soon. In the meantime, we have requisitioned a wheelchair so you can start to move around and interact again.”

“So I won’t be able to fight?”

The officer fixed Finn with a stern look.

“I would not recommend entering a combat situation until you are fully healed. However, Commander Daveron has requested you personally to be trained in spacecraft weaponry. To quote him, ‘you’re sitting down anyway for that’.”

Poe had requested him specially? Finn was momentarily distracted. Why would he do that? Finn wasn’t anyone special.

“In the meantime, however, I suggest you get plenty of rest and try to get your energy levels back.”

Finn ignored her. He could still be useful? Poe had requested him specially? That was enough for him.

/

The wheelchair was a complete pain.

Not a literal pain – Finn was still on such a complicated cocktail of painkillers he rarely felt a thing. But in order to get from the bed to the wheelchair, despite the complicated electronics on both, Finn had to be carried. Then, once he was in the wheelchair, it had so many settings that it always took him five minutes just to make the thing move. It wasn’t like he knew his way around the base, either, so he was forever getting lost or ending up at the top of stairs that weren’t remotely wheelchair friendly.

However, the first time Poe saw Finn in his wheelchair, his smile lit up the room. Finn felt something very strange flutter inside.

“Finn! You’re up!”

“The medical bay’s boring.” It wasn’t a good response, but Finn didn’t really know what else to say.

Poe laughed. “It is at that. Come on, I want to show you something.”

Poe led him through an area Finn hadn’t yet explored – the base was much bigger than it seemed from the outside – to the doors of a hangar.

“We’ve been working on this baby for a while. General Organa’s always commissioning new ships, but this girl’s taken longer to finish than most. But isn’t she a beauty!”

The hangar door opened, revealing a sleek, dark grey spaceship. It was on the small side compared to the ships Finn had grown up and trained on, but compared to most of the ships used by the Resistance, it was fairly large.

“She’s gorgeous.” Finn answered honestly.

Poe beamed. “I’ve been trying to persuade General Organa to let me fly her. She keeps telling me she needs me to command the Red and Blue Squadrons, but Jess or Snap could do that. All I need is a weapon’s expert and this baby’s mine.”

A thought clicked in Finn’s head. “Is that why you wanted me trained?”

“You were pretty damn good in the TIE considering you’d never done it before, and rumour has it you were just as good on the Falcon. With a bit of training, I think we could become quite the team.”

Finn glanced up at the ship. It would be good to be useful again – although he didn’t know why he’d be trusted with a spaceship as nice as this.

“You’d trust me to do that.”

“You saved my life. I’d trust you with anything.”

Finn had to look away from the intensity of Poe’s gaze.

“I’m just a Stormtrooper.”

“You were a Stormtrooper. Now you’re Finn, hero of the Resistance, and don’t you forget it.”

/

The next few weeks were a kind of perfect hell.

They were hell because the daily physical therapy was torturous. Finn was finally being weaned off the pain medication and his back twinged when he did anything too strenuous – so physical therapy was one big long barrage of pain. He wasn’t even doing anything complicated – just trying to move his legs sent spasms of pain through his body, and turning his head caused a deluge of pain. Finn hadn’t realised just how much relied on the spine until his was practically destroyed.

It was hell because people stared in the corridors with a mixture of pity and hero worship, and Finn didn’t know how to handle that. Random people kept coming up and telling him how amazing he was, what a hero, and how they hoped his back was better soon. He wanted to tell them he wasn’t a hero, he was a coward, but they refused to listen. Poe had told them how amazing he was, they said. And whilst that made Finn feel nice inside – that Poe thought so highly of him – it also made him wonder how bitterly disappointed they’d be when they figured out he was just a cowardly Stormtrooper.

It was perfect because for a couple of hours a day Poe tutored him on weapons. He couldn’t do anything physical yet, But Poe went through all the theory and demonstrated all the basics. The little smiles of encouragement and gentle pats on his shoulder sent pleasant sparks through his body every time.

Finn had been raised a Stormtrooper, so emotions hadn’t really been part of his upbringing, but he’d gathered enough information to realise he was a little bit in love with Poe.

That was torture in itself. Poe was the best pilot in the Resistance. He was a celebrity and he deserved that status. He’d flown missions that quite frankly should have been impossible, yet come out alive every time. Poe would never want someone as broken and pathetic as Finn. He deserved better.

Yet every time Poe smiled, or his hands brushed over Finn’s reaching for the controls of another gun, Finn found himself dreaming about Poe liking him back.

/

The first time Poe had a mission, Finn didn’t know what to do with himself.

He’d made a few ‘friends’ on base, he supposed – Poe had introduced him to Jessika and Snap, and there were a couple of weapons specialists he talked to sometimes – but he was only close to Poe and Rey. With Rey still off on her mission to find Luke Skywalker, and Poe going to save the galaxy, he didn’t really have anyone to talk to.

He tried to use the extra time to work on his physical therapy, but it was painful and frustrating work. After much effort, he could mostly control his legs, but his muscles were so weak from disuse that trying to stand was impossible. His med bot had set leg strengthening exercises but they were hard and sweaty work, and left Finn gasping for breath and desperate to stop. He could only try for so long before he had to admit defeat and go and rest.

His sleep schedule also became erratic. Nightmares which had plagued him since the accident increased in both frequency and intensity, regularly leaving him waking himself up with his own screams. With no-one to talk to, Finn kept this to himself, putting off sleep for as long as possible and drifting off in fits and starts at odd times. Occasionally he even fell asleep in the chair.

He was so tired that the buzz of Poe’s return didn’t reach him for several hours.

In fact, by the time it reached him Poe was already in a meeting with General Organa, and Finn was forced to wait anxiously for another few hours until Poe finally emerged, his face breaking out into a smile as he saw Finn.

“Finn! How’s the PT going?”

“I missed you.”

Poe seemed to freeze for a second. “I missed you too, buddy.”

Finn’s tired brain didn’t seem to be cooperating with his mouth. He was spewing things he didn’t necessarily want Poe to know.

“I couldn’t sleep without you here.”

Worry clouded over Poe’s face. “You couldn’t sleep?”

“Nightmares. I always have nightmares but… they were worse with you gone.”

Poe seemed conflicted, unsure of what to say. It was a strange expression on a man normally so cocky and confident.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

After the words slipped out, Finn wanted to take them back. He hadn’t meant to say that. He had never intended to say that. Poe didn’t deserve to be saddled with him, someone so weak he couldn’t even sleep at night without waking up screaming. Someone who couldn’t even walk.

“Finn.” Poe’s voice was gentle, soothing. His hands came up to cup Finn’s face.

Finn looked up into Poe’s eyes, confused.

“It’s OK. I think I’m in love with you too.”


End file.
